Justice League of America #254 (9/86)

Despero: "...you've underestimated the sheer hatred I feel for you and your companions in the Justice League. Allow me to make myself clear."

Batman: "He is the Batman, the Darknight Detective, legend among legends, leader of the new Justice League of America. Not for the first time in his life, but perhaps for the last, he wonders what it will feel like to die." Standing before Despero as he bathed in the Flame of Py'tar, the Caped Crusader thought, "He's growing. No doubt about it... that flame... feeding his alien metabolism at an astonishing rate. Must be at least nine feet tall-- and he's coming out. This is it. All the places I've been, all the things I've done... it all comes down to this moment. Face-to-face with an alien being... in a battle I can't hope to win. No problem. I've been facing the same lousy odds all my life." The Batman proved a minor distraction, and was easily recaptured. However, he still claimed a victory of sorts. "Destroying me isn't enough for you. You won't be satisfied till I beg. I won't give you that satisfaction. So no matter what you do to me now, Despero... I win. For all your power, you're a loser. A pathetic little lo--AAAHHH!" The Batman was eventually freed and rejoined the battle.

Vixen: Revived her teammates and explained the gameplan. "The Flame's a nuclear plasma. Whatever enters it is either destroyed... or reborn... Now he's got the power to manipulate matter... like Firestorm, I guess, but on a greater scale. He's even created a duplicate of the Py'tar Flame to recharge himself with... like Green Lantern's power battery. He calls himself a god." Well, he was a god laid low when Mari rammed into the back of his knee with the force of a buffalo. "Woman, your death will be long and painful." Freed the Batman and joined him in fighting hoards of stone demons.

Elongated Man: Caught Vixen and Batman before they could be injured in a fall. Encircled by stone monstrosities of Despero's creation, followed his leader's order to "Fight like hell!" Not so much the order to target the flame, as Vixen stated they needed a bigger distraction, and Ralph chided, "If we win this one, Bats, you can slap our wrists. And if we don't win-- it won't much matter, will it?" Carried out the wounded Steel in the aftermath.

Steel: Hit the hardest by Despero's earthquake, Hank had to be helped to his feet by J'Onn J'Onzz and Gypsy, and propped up from then on. However, when Vibe belittled himself and the team in the event of a renewed assault, Steel, through clenched teeth and in obvious pain, set him straight. "Hey Vibe... if that's what you think you are, then that's all you'll ever be. Maybe we're not the best League that ever was... but we're here... and we've got a job to do. So let's do it." Steel got in one good punch to the base of Despero's spine, but nearly fell over after and had to be rescued by Gypsy. Was struck by a jet of magma and had his back scalded. Carried out by J'Onn and Ralph.

Gypsy: Stuck by Steel, even when he asked her to save herself. Used her chameleon powers to conceal them from demons and Despero. Became enraged when Despero burnt Steel. "Hiding isn't the only trick I know, you scaly-skinned-son-of-a-- CHEW ON THIS!" Despero knows he isn't being flung into a solar corona, but he can't fend off the illusory sensation that "sears his skin, worse than the Flame of Py'tar, eating him alive... and he screams!"

Martian Manhunter: The first to rise at Vixen beckoning. Saw the wisdom in Batman's plan. "Now, while Despero is occupied fending off the others, we strike... Martians weaken in the presence of fire, but I do not intend to approach the Flame of Py'tar, Vibe. Despero will have set defences to protect the flame... I will deal with them, while you deal with the flame. Your shockwave power may be the one force we have strong enough to disrupt the flame. If anything can."

Vibe: Wanted his team to bug out of Gotham and let the Navy bomb the city flat. "Look around you, man... look at us! I know what people been saying... I've got ears. We're a joke... What've we got here? A Chicano from Detroit, a big green bald guy, a human rubber band, a no-name teenage girl who can make herself disappear-- some trick-- an ex-fashion model, and a redheaded tin woodsman. Where're the power players, man? We're strictly second string! We can't do it. Despero wiped the rug with us once already. Next time, he'll kill us. Losers, that's all we are." His team refused to quit though, and he damned himself for joining them. Under the Manhunter's direction, Vibe waited for the opportune moment to strike at the flame, but had his own demons to fend off until the Batman gave him the order. Like a candle being blown out, the flame was no more, and without the outside power source Despero's body "consumes himself" into seeming nothingness.

"Finally-- it is over."
"Thanks to Vibe."
"Guess I'm not such a loser after all, huh, Bats?"
"You never were, in my book."

Zatanna: Still no time for subplots...

Sue Dibney: ...nor supporting characters.

The Creators: Luke McDonnell clearly relished drawing the Batman, and everyone kept busy, even if the ending was slightly anticlimactic.

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: "Big Green" -Vibe
"J'Onn" -Vixen
Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: "Aw-right. Does this mean we're buddies? Like, can we double date?"

Justice League of America #253 (8/86)

Martian Manhunter: "For him the nearby flames are more than a source of heat and smoky light; they are a threat as deadly to the Martian as hard radiation to an Earthman; but J'Onn J'Onzz forgets the fire, concerned instead with the threat to his comrades that looms before him."

Despero: "How gratifying to be remembered, J'Onn J'Onzz... especially by you. I hoped you'd come when you heard of my attack on Gotham City, and my capture of your leader, the Batman. As you see, I stand before you transformed. No longer am I the Despero you humiliated and imprisoned..." Origin told for the first time.

Elongated Man: Turned his body into a slingshot.

Steel: The most proactive member in the face of this horror. When Despero created a Winged Lorka of Kalanor (essentially a fire-breathing dragon) out of a skyscraper, Steel shoved a metal sign into its mouth. Next, he joined J'Onn J'Onzz and Ralph Dibney in launching a boulder through the dragon. The beast exploded into fragments, causing Despero tremendous pain through psychic feedback. In response, Despero ripped the Gotham street our heroes trod upon with a fiery explosion.

Vibe: Fretted and failed to make any lasting impact beyond briefly holding back the winged Loka.

Gypsy: Used her illusion powers to cause the Loka to believe it was underwater, buying her teammates the time to destroy it.

Batman: Taunted Despero to learn his origins and plans. "Despero needs the Flame of Py'tar to continuously re-create himself, Vixen. He told us as much himself. Without the flame, he no longer exists... If we can destroy the flame, here in this re-created temple... there's a... slim possibility... we might also destroy Despero." Freed himself and Mari.

Vixen: Spent most of the issue in bondage, but any negative karma was balanced out by having the Batman as her co-captive. In spite of herself, shivered as Despero rained havok on her team. Sent by Batman to explain the plan to their team while he remained to distract Despero. "New as I am to this, I probably wouldn't last ten seconds, and he knows it. Damn." Shocked to find her Detroit League lying deathly still in a roadside mound.

Zatanna: No time for subplots...

Sue Dibney: ...or supporting characters.

The Creators: Still bringing the game and career highs.

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: "Big Green" -Steel

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: "Gyp, you crazy? Haul your bottom outta here!"

Justice League of America #252 (7/86)

Zatanna: Finally given a nightgown and some privacy in a proper hospital bed, but now encumbered with a headband that makes thought painful. Heroically forced herself to remember her name and mission, but no spells. Made her way out of bed and into the hi-tech chamber where her captor Adam was being "infected" with a more potent form of the Homo Magi. Zee sublet and other yuppie cultists found and restrained the sorceress.

Vixen: Went on a date in Gotham in her civilian identity with Bruce Wayne, who surprisingly made no off-hand comments about wearing a latex mask to impersonate Wayne, or somesuch nonsense. A groundswell explosion shooting continuous flame hundreds of feet into the air broke up the intimacy. Investigating, Vixen was nearly killed by a flame directed by Despero, until she called on the Tantu Totem to fly to safety.

Batman: Dated Mari McCabe, to whom he revealed, "I've had lovers, but sooner or later, he always comes between us... The Batman." Despite his protests, Vixen detected the eagerness in him when trouble struck. "A wolf scenting its prey.. He was right. The Batman is real... Bruce Wayne... just a shadow." Evaded Despero's initial salvo with his usual skill, hoping things would go better for himself and Mari next time. Despero responded, "Ignorant fool, there will be no next time... not for you, or your world!

Elongated Man & Sue Dibney: At the mall when they got the signal, per Ralph, before he employed the teleporter J'Onzz installed in their basement.

Gypsy: "J'Onn was with me in New York. We're solving a mystery together..."

Steel: "So the Batman's finally calling us into action. About time. Let's go, Vibe."

Vibe: "Forget it, man. He's just tossin' us another test."

Martian Manhunter: Outside Metropolis, at the Secret Sanctuary, the Martian Marvel gathered alongside the other Leaguers, fearing this was no meer test. "The League teleport link to Gotham City is dead, and our computer reports all communication lines to the city have been cut." The League arrived via helicopter, hovering near the wall of flame now surrounding Gotham. Humans transformed by unknown power into the visage of demons ran the streets. "...indeed, Zatanna is sorely missed. Nonetheless... my Martian Vision reveals an intense vibratory field preventing passage." Had Vibe use his powers against the force, but deduced "...it was too easy. We are expected."

Despero: "How perceptive. As always, Martian, you are a keen observer of the obvious. I owe you special consideration, for your part in my imprisonment. I shall save your destruction for last." The Manhunter's features sank to reveal his dispair in the face of this horror. From atop a cathedral, Batman and Vixen chained to his left and right, a declaration was made:
"YES, DESPERO-- NOW MASTER OF TIME AND MATTER! DESPERO, YOUR FINAL NEMESIS! DESPERO, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!"

The Creators: Luke McDonnell and Bill Wray draw explosions and infernal things really well, and Gene D'Angelo colored the lava but good.

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: "Big Green" -Vibe.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: "That's my meat, Big Green. Let me at it..."

Detroit League in JLA/Avengers (2003)

Featured on the cover of #3: Vibe (hanging off Machine Man's telescoping leg;) Vixen (skipping along the ground near She-Hulk, with Hellcat bounding off her shoulder;) Zatanna (on a GL-constructed platform alongside Mantis and Scarlet Witch;) Steel (in a GL bubble with Mockingbird, Maxima, Big Sir and General Glory;) Gypsy (held in a spell by two Dr. Fates along with other mystics and Yazz;) Elongated Man, Sue Dibney and Despero (in JLTF gear, among many others in a corner ghetto;) Aquaman (bearded version, with Namor;) and Martian Manhunter (up to three times, if you count both Bloodwynd appearances.) Sue and Ralph were part of a late 60's & Satellite-era grouping during a series of temporal anomalies. Martian Manhunter and Aquaman were both founders, with Aquaman reappearing in the Satellite era and Manhunter in the International period. As the timeline became more mangled, Zee, Gypsy and Vixen made speechless cameos.

• Shown among the downed heroes during the final battle with Krona in issue #4 were Vibe and Steel.



• Dale Gunn appeared on page 175 of the trade, or 5 of #4, being carried to safety by Starfire.



• The original Despero was part of a villain team (with the Construct and Amazo) that overwhelmed Thor. He was himself defeated by the L-Ron/Despero that stood with the Justice League Task Force.

Justice League of America #251 (6/86)

Steel: Finally took that continuity girl from his botched film shoot out on a date to the Met. She liked him because he wasn't a phony, but when she's almost killed by a taxi, Hank pulled a Christopher Reeve move, but without the guile. Staring down the mangled cab, Hank felt he had some explaining to do...

Batman: Taskmaster mode in full effect, the Dark Knight badgered his new team while putting them through their paces in the Secret Sanctuary's newly modified gymnasium. Still low rent, the only visible equipment in use was a pommel horse. With a straight face, stated, "Vibe has potential, Vixen, but he's undisciplined."

Vibe: Nearly crushed by falling debris released by his own vibratory power while in a training session. Was browbeat by and sneered at Batman before threatening to quit the team.

Vixen: Rescued Vibe and defended her team against Batman's criticism, noting "If that's how you handled the Outsiders, I'm not surprised you guys parted company." She may have actually hurt his feelings, as he continued brooding about being out of place on a hillside hours later. Mari found him and offered kind words. "You ask a lot... from yourself most of all. Trying to be the parents you lost long ago. I've been there. C'mon. You're probably hungry. So if you promise not to tell, just this once I'll cook dinner..."

Gypsy: "Say J'Onn J'Onzz, have you seen Zatanna lately?" Manhunter hadn't, but explained she was likely on a case, and that only past Leaguers picked up the old distress signal from the previous issue. Gypsy continued to press the Sleuth from Outer Space with questions, and despite his clear wishes, followed him on a case of his own. The bonding between these two characters had clearly begun in earnest at this point, as Gypsy was set on aiding Manhunter, whether he liked it or not.

Martian Manhunter: "Not at all, Gypsy. The Batman and I discussed it this morning... Zatanna's been worried about a young woman... who sublet her apartment... Undoubtedly, Zatanna is occupied looking for her. In addition to our League responsibilities, we have our own private concerns, after all. Such as my concern with this murder weapon..." Gypsy tried to look with her hands, to which J'Onzz simply admonished simply "no" while pulling it away. This was the instrument, lacking any discernable fingerprints, intended to frame private investigator John Jones. "Martians don't have fingerprints... At the Batman's recommendation, I've installed teleportation tubes at various locations in Metropolis, Gotham, and New York..." Gypsy didn't much care, until J'Onzz noted that he was stepping into one of them to abandon Gypsy's inquiry in favor of his own. John Jones next appeared to question his former employer, Burt Biloxi, while running bad Spillane monologue in his head. A file on the runaway Jones had been assigned to locate, Pamela Cross, was simultaneously lifted invisibly by Gypsy. Jones caught up to the Gypsy outside, revealing possibly for the first time in the Detroit run his power of telepathy. He had used it to locate his maverick teammate, and to scan Biloxi's mind, full of anxiety but short on information. That left only Cross' file...

"Hey, she's a kid. She can't be much older'n me. Why'd she run away?"
"Why did you, Gypsy?"
"I had a reason. Maybe she does, too... You check the parents. I'll find the kid."
"Gypsy, I cannot-- I will not allow-- Gypsy?"

Zatanna: Nude and bound to a hospital bed by advanced technology, Zee's sublet turned co-captor Sheri Stanley explained why she had set the heroine up for capture. A yuppie unable to handle her stresses, Sheri turned to self-help guru Adam and his cult of self-interest. Adam himself continued, explaining that he had in his genes the same elements of the mystical Homo Magi as Zatanna, but not to the same degree. His intention was to use Zatanna's blood to extract the power of her bloodline, mount it to a retrovirus, and infect himself. Adam also made it clear he did not respect Zatanna's personal space...

Elongated Man & Sue Dibney: No mention.

Despero: Destroyed the Justice League Satellite, for really reals this time.

The Creators: Why are the Caped Crusader and the Manhunter from Mars so much cozier than most? I say it's because J'Onn J'Onzz is one of the only fellow heroes to call him "THE Batman." Anyway, traction gained last issue through association with better characters was lost to the wealth of unresolved subplots that dominate this issue, and will in fact outlast this creative team. A shame, as the more serious turn the book took from the frivolity of the Detroit year really improved the title. That change can be traced back to the Amazo arc, but the revolving door of artists undercut the tension there, as did the slew of Crisis tie-ins and the underwhelming "Junior." Here, the twin menaces of Adam and Despero are quite frightful, although the latter's presentation was so over-the-top as to near camp. I'm certain, whether intentional or not, it influenced Keith Giffen's development of the Lobo character. Also, after letting things get a bit sketchy on the extra-length anniversary issue, Luke McDonnell and Bill Wray are back to fighting form. Rather than fighting back the darker aspects of Conway's work, they dive in headfirst, lending it weight it would otherwise lack.

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: “JJ” and "Big Green" -Gypsy.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: "Ridin' me like your own personal donkey. I'm telling you, get off."

Justice League of America #221-223 (12/93-2/84)

To be honest, I'm more of a JLA fan in theory than practice. I was familiar with "Super Friends" and other sideways exposures, but I didn't start picking up the title regularly until the International period. I then skipped out, returned for "Breakdowns," and left again with Giffen & DeMatteis. I came back for Gerard Jones' largely execrable run, but again steered mostly clear until Morrison finally fulfilled the promise of the classic team. I did eventually go back to the early and quite painful Gardner Fox and Denny O'Neil runs, plus a smattering of Satellite issues before diving into the Detroit train wreck.

My point in telling you all this is that unless Showcase reveals the 70's to be a golden decade, the Justice League of America has trended toward the lousy for nearly its entire existence. In my experience, the "classic" membership sucks all the life out of the stories, leaving it up to the aberrant and inappropriate to produce anything worthwhile to read. The three issues I'm spotlighting here are no exception, as they deal mostly with a criminal cartel run by were-corporate executives given to grisly gladiator combat, and the League's stepping into their arena is as curious and exciting as it is plain wrong. Allow me to detail why:



The story opens with filthy, amorally rich spectators sent into orgiastic fits when splattered by blood ejaculated into their faces from the killing floor of a metropolitan coliseum. This was followed by Superman and Wonder Woman being battered unconscious by an anthropomorphic killer whale. A man-rhino then gores the Flash and leaves him for dead. Hawkman us at an archaeological dig where scientists are skewered and crushed by giant hybrid scorpions, one of whom's stingers penetrates the winged warrior's backside and leaves him deathly limp and the bloodletting continues. Elongated Man is savaged by attack birds and a steam press run by an old... Chinese... wait, that wasn't were-creature related. Ralph Dibney just sucked, and got his ass kicked by a geriatric Yellow Peril leftover. Oh, and writer Gerry Conway's pet character Firestorm avoids getting powned by taking a renegade cat woman into his care. As I hope I've illustrated, this story is gory as hell and uncompromisingly brutal in a manner that grabs your attention span by the collar and slaps it across the face.

Things slowed down considerably in the second chapter, as the catwoman revealed she was part of the board of an insolvent company that chose to mutate itself and turn to technology theft to buoy their fortunes. I know it seems ridiculous, and it is, but imagine the pleasure of seeing the League combat a Ken Lay jackal-man and you'll forgive the excess. Besides, there's an extended arena clash between evil leader lion Rex and a traitor that ends in barehanded disembowelment and decapitation, which is always distracting. Hawkman being gassed in his sickbed along with Hawkwoman while Wonder Woman is beaten into submission and taken hostage also works. I only wish it were the Amazing Amazon that got gored, as the subtext would add a sexual component to this great mound of wrongness.

By the final chapter, so many life fluids were flowing that they had to start coloring it purple to get past the Comics Code Authority, or else it was expelled in such haste as to have not yet taken on oxygen. The surviving Leaguers invaded the were-Republicans secret island base, where Superman was pelted with red sun radiation and crucified. Aquaman fared better, using his telepathy to lobotomize the whale man, never to be heard from again. The sea king also choked a snakeman, making him the big winner in backsliding to barbarism amongst our heroes. Zatanna even managed to be useful, though the were-men were devolving throughout the arc, and ended up regressed back to seemingly lifeless animal form. Somebody call PETA?

The full arc was pencilled by Chuck Patton, who by rights could have been the Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez of the 80's if he'd just stayed the course. He even managed to overcome the inking of Romeo Tanghal, a feat George Perez struggled with. I don't know that anyone has ever drawn so iconic and dynamic a Justice League, which only furthered the contrast with the savagery of their foes. It was wonderful, and of course all to brief, and the rest of Patton's career would be defined by his guilt in co-creating Vibe, the breakdancing wonder. If only we could get the inter company crossovers up and running again, so that Patton and Steve Ditko could craft the perfect coda to their respective careers-- a team-up with Speedball.

In summary, do go find these three back issues and relish them. It was all pop locking and BWAHAHA for the next couple decades. If anyone can recommend a similar diversion from Satellite Era shittiness, do leave a comment. Stories like this I could make room for.

Justice League of America #250 (5/86)

Sue Dibney: Fallen form lorded over by "Junior," who had emerged from its tentacle blob form to become a bronze-skinned bipedal Adonis not named Adam Warlock (as he had a blond crewcut and convenient green trunks, rather than a lustrous blond 70's mane and convenient red trunks.

Green Lantern: Recently reunited with his beloved power ring, Hal Jordon was chasing a comet when he heard the League's distress signal. Scanned fallen Detroit team for "minimal life signs." Went looking for "Junior" with Green Arrow, only to have his life force drained before making any significant contribution. Somewhere, Zatanna let out a knowing sigh, I'd assume.

Zatanna: Hal heard the signal from Mercury, but Zee missed it entirely at a NY dock. Finally tracked her sub-letter to a suspicious "social group" at a marina boat, only to be conked on the head with a lead pipe. This was on the order of the "group leader," the rather Aryan "Adam."

Steel: Emaciated and aged, looked a lot like his grandfather. I mean now, after years in the ground. Felt better and hung with Hal Jordan, the most obvious Republican of the old timers.

Black Canary: Asleep on Ollie's couch when she heard the signal. Donned awful 80's costume to investigate. Ordered to sit with the infirm while the top-billed boys searched the Secret Sanctuary for "Junior." Comforted Gypsy, and in talking with her deduced that her powers were telepathic in nature, which protected her. J'Onn's being a victimized telepath and Gypsy's having previous been effected never came up. Later helped Ollie draw out "Junior" with her Canary Cry.

Green Arrow: Along with Dinah's urging, Ollie dug through his closet to find a mothballed signal device arrow. Really. Joined and was forced to rescue Green Lantern when confronted by "Junior," who he singed with an electrified arrow. Double-teamed "Junior" with Black Canary.

Gypsy: Dreamt of an idealized version of her suburban home life before running away, which turned into a nightmare pitting her against her withered teammates. Her Manhunter taunted, "We are your family! ... Now and evermore," prompting Gypsy to push him away, but instead caved in his chest. She awoke to find her youth restored, and that she was encircled by former League members. Broke down in tears, blaming herself for her friends' malady. "I never want to hurt anyone, but its like I always do. Ever since I got the power, my life's been a mess... I'm just so scared..." Figured out "Junior" had become what it ate, confirmed by the creature's simplistic internal regarding it making it all the easier to hunt amongst mankind.

Superman: Was putting out a fire when he heard the J.L.A. Alert signal. Learned more from the Dark Knight Detective before being attacked by "Junior." Thought to himself, "Eh? The Batman's gone--? I may not like him, but I never expected him to run..." Used his body as a conduit to redirect the Leaguers' life energy.

Elongated Man: Hung out with Kal-El and his wife, presumably to keep the Man of Tomorrow away from the riff-raff. My theory backed-up by his being the one to suggest and press the League veterans to stick around.

Batman: Halting a terrorist attack on Gotham when he heard the signal. Investigated the scene and ordered his fellow veterans around. Clearly, the brusque control freak pre-dated Frank Miller. Found the records J'Onn J'Onzz browsed last issue and laid the blame at Superman's feet for the mess. Saved the Man of Steel from Junior. Lured the creature into an electrified elevator shaft, which both flash-fried "Junior" and released his stored energies. Devised method of sending those energies through the Last Son of Krypton back to their rightful carcasses.

Vibe: Unintentional humor from the sight of a geriatric Paco with silver hair, shades, and a plunging neckline. Got along with Green Arrow for once through bonding over their mutually unfortunate facial hair.

Vixen: Formed a girl power conversation clique with Dinah and Gypsy, once she felt equally fit.

The Atom, Hawkman, Hawkgirl, and Aquaman: Far removed from any signal receiver, as they were all away from home on important affairs, meaning solo mini-series.

Martian Manhunter: A passive lump for most of the issue, until talk of recalling veteran Leaguers to service came up. He approached the distant Batman, saying "Old friend, I've been told you left the League... unhappily. I cannot judge the right or wrong of that leaving. Nonetheless, today's events prove this is where you belong. You should lead the League, not I." Green Arrow concurred, while Vibe and of course Batman briefly protested. An again tearful Gypsy pleaded "We need you! I hear you were an orphan. So are we, sorta. Orphans gotta stick together, right? Right?" Batman patted her head and promised them a year. "Gypsy thinks she convinced me... but I have my own reasons for rejoining the League. And when I reveal those reasons, she'll be very surprised..."

The Creators: ...so would we all. Batman's "year" turned out to be one story arc before he abandoned the group and the never-resolved Gypsy sub-plot. The issue at hand fell into cliche quickly, though it ushered in what will be last hurrah of half this creative team.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: [Of Batman] "That dude? Get serious. We'd chew 'im up, and spit him---- out. Uh, well, maybe not."

EPILOGUE: On the planet Kalanor, atop a narrow spire leading to garbed aliens standing before an enormous pyre... "Hail, O Master... You have braved the cleansing, transforming Flame of Py'tar... and no longer are you the creature you were when you welcomed that all-consuming embrace. In form, in substance, you are reborn. What is your will, Walker In The Flame?"

"My will... is vengeance against mine enemies. My desire... is the destruction of the Justice League. And when I tread their bloody remains beneath my booted feet, I wish only one reward: let them whisper my name in horror...

DESPERO, THE REBORN! DESPERO, THE DESTROYER!"

Justice League of America #249 (4/86)

Martian Manhunter: "...according to the medical lab's sensor... Vixen is dying... Her life in indeed slipping away, like water through the sands of the Martian desert... but we can find no indication of disease. It is as if some external force were draining the very life-energy from her body... leaving behind a dried, mummified shell of the young woman we know..." Found a bit of the creature "Junior's" dried skin, which he studied with an ever-clouding mind while ordering Vibe and Steel after the beast. Leaned on League computer to compensate for his failings. Learned from it that "Junior" was a semi-sentient plant that developed from a microscopic spore that clung to Superman's cape on an extra-terrestrial mission. Told spore lives of life energy rather than sunlight."Gods of Mars." Collapsed into a coma before he was able to activate J.L.A. emergency distress signal.

Vixen: Too sick to mind that "dried, mummified shell" line.

Elongated Man: Helped J'Onn J'Onzz run tests on Vixen. Got woozy. Got old.

Zatanna: Took "ashes" to Mama LaRue in Greenwich Village, who dispelled the notion it was from missing roommate Sheri Stanley. Proved to instead be graveyard dust, in use by a nefarious new magical mover and shaker about town. Zee followed up on a note left by Sheri to investigate the marina. Never acknowledged a painfully extraneous pair of numbskulls trying to pick her up as she walked down the street.

Gypsy: Argued with teammates over "Junior's" innocence, then ran off with it after the creature again attacked Vibe and Steel. Second Leaguer to age rapidly.

Vibe: Used his superior reason to convince Gypsy to reconsider the potential threat of "Junior." Yes, I just wrote a sentence combining "Vibe" and "superior reason." I can't believe it, either. Accidentally caused a small cave-in which using his powers against Junior, mostly to make me feel better about that "superior reason" business.

Steel: After both he and Vibe falter before Junior, deduces the creature has an effect on the quality of reason in person within its proximity. That helps explain Vibe's "superior wisdom," but created the whole new problem of Steel's displaying keen deductive reasoning. Everything I know is a terrible lie!

Interlude: On the planet Kalanor, servants tended to a blazing pit. "Behold the Flame of Py'tar. Those who are not destroyed by its purifying embrace achieve wisdom and power beyond imagination. Will you risk the flame, master?" A nude silhouette with a scalloped head answered, "For what I seek, I would risk eternity." This being then allowed the blaze to immolate him. "The pain is indescribable: It goes beyond agony to the far reaches of madness. He welcomes the pain, he embraces the madness. Soon he will have power enough to take vengeance on the Justice League. His wild laughter ends in a scream."

Sue Dibney: Ate pizza with Ralph last night. Returned home to the Secret Sanctuary with a new costume for her husband, this one her favored color of purple. Almost ran over Junior and Gypsy. Discovered Gypsy's serious ailment, then joined Steel and Vibe for a return trip to headquarters. Realized "Junior" was truly evil, enjoying his food at the expense of our heroes, who are all near death by issue's end. Finding J'Onn J'Onzz while on the run from an unknown being that emerged from the chrysalis of Junior, Sue activated the alarm before falling herself.

The Creators: Luke McDonnell and Bill Wray seriously brought their A-game in showing the Leaguers' terrible decline into infirmity. Gerry Conway follows suit, elevating the dread at the overwhelming horror the heroes face. Even colorist Gene D'Angelo was noteworthy for keeping up the mood and subtlety. Outstanding team effort.

J’Onn J’Onzz’s Nicknames of the Issue: “Big Green”-Vibe.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: "Madre dios! A cave-in!"

Review: JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #13-17 (2007-8)

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #13-15
Written by Dwayne McDuffie
Art by Joe Benitez & Ed Benes
Covers by Ian Churchill

I missed the Wedding Special, but I was able to jump into the storyline cold: JLAers captured by Injustice Gang, drawn extra-skinny by a former Top Cow artist. The very black Milestone Comics co-founder writing the book has also upped the profile of darkest League membership ever, meaning more than one at a time, with John Stewart in a leadership role. I can live with this. The story is fun and fast-paced-- perhaps too much so. Despite the Image art style, the pages have plenty of panels, but they're often near silent action beats. Should I be surprised a former scripter for animated series has turned the comic into a glorified storyboard? Umm... not after slogging through those tedious Brad Meltzer issues.

The second issue (third, I suppose) misplaced Green Lantern, but Black Lightning represents. Shame about his lame current costume (Newell design FTW) and "negative combover." Note to artist: a great many black men like hair on their heads. Another note, this time to Ed Benes: If you must draw heroines as pin-ups, at least put some meat on them. Bad enough Black Canary must again be bound helplessly and eroticized, but can her butt look slightly more developed than playground pedophile fodder? Also, just start drawing Wonder Woman nude. It would be more respectable than strategically placing her outfit the very cusp of every one of her naughty bits. Points earned for the Legion of Doom headquarters, minus quite a few for reminding everyone of the kraptonite shank from "Superman Returns."

Final chapter calls Jason Rusche off the bench, more dynamic than the 25 or so issues of Firestorm I suffered through expecting it to finally turn a corner. Not to be. Great collection of iconic and under appreciated villainy, as well.

No disassemble Red Tornado! Johnny Smith is alive! No thanks-- leave him in the hard drive to replace Oracle or (yet again) J'Onn. Much hate here for stupid Red Usurper!


JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #16
Written by Dwayne McDuffie and Alan Burnett
Art by Joe Benitez and Allan Jefferson

Here is where balls drop. Super-heroes behave stupidly. "Red Arrow" (ugh) is overplayed. I will always dig Speedy, but he's a hand-to-tushy man, not a fightin' machine. I'd be seriously peeved about paying $2.99 for a preview of an external event mini-series if I hadn't read it free at the library. That would be you I hosed, Dan Didio. Expect more where that came from. You're owed.

Speaking of Speedy love, a back-up feature rescues a sorta-kinda Roy Harper rogue from the pawn shop. The story isn't worth reading, and it sets up another event mini-series, but there went your silver lining.

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #17
Written by Dwayne McDuffie and Alan Burnett
Art by Ed Benes, Jon Boy Meyer and Sandra Hope
Cover by Ethan Van Sciver

OUTSTANDING cover! An instant classic if the interior story is half as good! Welp, screw you readers, as this is more novelty and marketing for other DC titles. Members of the Cadre pop up to be beaten by Black Lightning alone. This is why Vibe will never, ever be resurrected. Crowbar specifically needs to just give up the life of crime in favor of playing Tuesday night open mic in a Village People cover band. These characters are drawn better than ever, proving soundly their utter lack of worth, as they're still laughable. I almost sent this review over to the Idol-Head, as the Human Flame cameos with the Cadre, but even I found that too much of a reach.

Dwayne McDuffie continues to waste space on the lousy Vixen subplot Meltzer should have resolved his own damned self. I like Vixen, which is a good thing, because she's having her personal "Steel in 52" spectacle here where the awfulness of her arc will probably drive any potential new fans to lingering animosity toward her.

Who's Who Vol.V: Commander Steel (7/85)

Just to keep things from getting too heavy with text, and to post something before it's too far removed from relevancy, here's the bio page for right-wing nutjob and former Detroit benefactor/frienemy Commander Steel. Click the pic for full information.

Justice League of America #248 (3/86)

Gypsy: Adopted the baby tentacle monster, and having seen my share of hentai, it's a good thing Gypsy determined (?) it was a girl, which she called "Junior(?)"

Elongated Man: Unenthusiastic about keeping "Junior." Missed the now mummified remains of the possum family.

Vixen: Not at all comfortable about "Junior" or its mysterious origins. "I wish J'Onn J'Onzz were here. He knows every corner of the Secret Sanctuary." Continued to wonder about her roommate Gypsy's origins, as well. Talked about taking a skin sample from "Junior," which understood her and panicked. Vixen tried to pursue, but despite never being "sick a day" of her life, suddenly went weak. She then aged to infirmity in a matter of minutes.

Interlude: Kalanor was a peaceful, fertile world until, "the world and its inhabitants were his possessions... to do with as he pleased; to toy with... to mutilate... even to destroy, if the whim took him." While for a decade, things returned to normal, there were still some who worshipped him as a god. The escaped convict from last issue arrived there and set foot on Kalanor, flanked by white hammer-headed aliens garbed in purple robes. "It's good to be home."

Martian Manhunter: Private eye John Jones was on the trail of a seventeen year old runaway for his employer, but ended up framed for the murder of a woman closer to fifty. Eluded police through invisibility, though he insisted on continuing to talk to them while making off with the seemingly levitating smoking gun. Arrived with Steel and Vibe at the Secret Sanctuary in time to apprehend the escaping "Junior." J'Onzz exclaimed, "Gods of Mars" and the speed and strength of it, and tried to warn of Steel before the youth was blasted by its unknown energy. Took the form of a "Senior" to distract "Junior." Scolded three Leaguers for not contacting the rest of the group immediately upon "Junior's" discovery.

Steel: Managed to evade the casting couch by becoming a stuntman on a barbarian movie for Magma Studios of Astoria, Queens. When a rival stuntman pushed the offensive, Steel picked him up and threw him at the director. "I said, 'don't push!' ...nobody ever listens! Just like my grandfather! You think I say things just to hear myself talk? What are you, stupid?" Lost his job with the usual temper, but got a date with the continuity girl out of it. Punched out tentacle monster, but not before being zapped by the black fire.

Vibe: Blew all $500 of his savings on two months rent on a dive he won't live to make much use of. Hassled by local "protection" racket, and wrecked a city street showing them who's boss. Took the brunt of a second "black energy flare" to protect his good buddy Steel.

Sue Dibney: Westchester? Still?

Zatanna: Scooped up the ashes of her former roommate into an envelope, fearing one of her enemies may have killed the girl by mistake. Intended to take the dust and the girl's purse to investigators Dibney & Jones, but instead used her magic to follow a lead alone.

The Creators: So we're basically reading an anthology series at this point, right? Since the Crisis, there was the solo Steel issue, and then four straight issues of side stories featuring a divided JLDetroit.... except now they're in New York, so the unofficial title wasn't even valid anymore. As for foes created to battle this team-- well, General Maksai was really just for Vixen, so that leaves the Overmaster's Cadre and-- um-- is that it? That may be it, prior to the tentacle monster. Why didn't this direction pan out? Oh right, because it ate rocks, and I'm talking jagged, sun-scorched rocks.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: "Somebody get me a barf bag. I'm gonna be sick.

The Trouble With Aquaman

Both at the Aquaman Shrine and Newsarama I read the following about DC big dog Dan DiDio...

"Asked about Aquaman, DiDio asked the fan back who is Aquaman now, to which the fan answered, 'I'm not sure right now.'

DiDio took a poll of the audience to see which Aquaman was the crowd's favorite, which showed the audience to be split among the different versions. DiDio said that it's something they're trying to figure out--which Aquaman should be the Aquaman to bring back.

DiDio said that while the Jim Aparo version is most recognizable, the 'harpoon hand' version is also well recognized in the media. All in all, DiDio said, they're taking their time to bring Aquaman back."

So basically, one of the biggest decision makers at DC Comics doesn't even know who Aquaman is, much less what to do with him. It's actually a pretty common problem with the character, seeing as despite being one of the most recognizable super-heroes in the world, he's a constant bottom feeder in sales and the butt of many jokes. I like to think I could help, and offer the following advise...

Adventure Comics Weekly, written by me, and guaranteed better than "Countdown" (even if I had to draw it by myself.) Oh wait, that's an utter fantasy. Let me start again.

• Aquaman is not Batman. There are, to my knowledge, no such things as seabats. Yes, he did have an Aquacave at one time. Yes, he also had a kid sidekick. Yes, Aquaman's son was tragically murdered. This was all true, thirty years ago. Aquaman has been a brooding bore for nearly as long as I've been alive, and I just keep getting older. Let it go.
  
  
• There are people who know and like Aquaman with the harpoon hand. Some toys were made of that incarnation, and it figured into his appearances on "Justice League." However, those people represent a fraction of the public who know the classic Aquaman, so catering to the minority only alienates the majority. Also, that incarnation is associated with one of the worst video games ever, and in fact the cable channel G4 awards equally wretched fare a "Golden Mullet" in Aquaman's dishonor. This is what is commonly known as "negative association."
  
  
• To 95% of the people who have ever heard of Aquaman, he's the guy in orange and green who talks to fishies and rides giant seahorses. No amount of tough guy swagger, hair, or pointy objects will ever negate this fact. Also, his name is "Aquaman," which will never sound "edgy." Work with the character you've got, or else you're only undermining his strengths.
  
  
• People expect Aquaman to smile. He's blonde and handsome. Girls and certain guys should want him, while the rest of us should want to be him. The people I know who want to mope or grimace constantly, develop unfortunate grooming choices, and are attracted to impractical prosthetesis are neither my dear friends nor my heroes. They are the people I avoid as much as possible.
  
  
• It's okay for Aquaman to be funny. He doesn't have to be a joke, but his powers and surroundings are quirky, and it's okay to acknowledge that.
• Puns are not funny, especially fish puns with an aquatic character. Neither is referring to fat people "slim." It's obvious and irritating.
  
  
• Don't be ashamed of having adventures in or near water. "Pirates of the Carribean" and "The Little Mermaid" have earned billions off it. The ocean is a cool, scary, mysterious, fun place to be.
  
  
• If there's an attention-getting event or a major new super-team, maybe allow Aquaman a prominent role in there somewhere. He's famous, you know. Might be a mutually-beneficial arrangement.
  
  
• There does not have to be an ongoing series titled "Aquaman," especially by editorial decree. That leads to books by great names in comics talent, like Gary Cohn, Dan Mishkin, Paris Cullins, Neal Pozner, Robert Loren Fleming, Marty Egelund, Kirk Jarvinen, Yvel Guichet, and so on. Worse, it leads to "bold new directions" by actual names defaming themselves and the character, like Keith Giffen, Peter David, Erik Larsen, and Rick Veitch. The British have this wonderful notion of television where they stage a brief "season" whenever they have the talent and a story they feel is worth telling. This is preferrable to shoveling as much crap as possible to hit the magic 100 episodes for syndication.
  
  
• Regardless of how well the revisionist "Trials of Shazam" sells in the direct market (and it doesn't,) Jeff Smith's concurrent mini-series that remained true to the Captain Marvel character and his audience will sell longer and stronger in wider circulation. If creators like Mark Waid and Mike Wieringo approach you with the idea of a nice little one-shot with the first classic take on Aquaman in eons, you damned well ought to say, "yes.
  
  
• When you're constantly trying to reinvent a character, you're telling fandom you don't have confidence in your own property. When you tell a roomful of people you don't know what to do with Aquaman, or even who that character is, you devalue him in reader's eyes, and poor sales become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Under those circumstances, you have to wait for someone with a vision and understanding of the character to come along and make the property work. It seems based on track record and the guy's own interest Geoff Johns is that person. Next time the question comes up, answer "When Geoff's ready, he'll take care of Aquaman, and you will all be thrilled with the result." If Geoff is never ready, make a mental note of who the next best option is on the list, and insert their name until something comes to fruition.
  
  
• A.B.C. Dan: Always Be Closing. If you can't make the sale now, make sure that door remains open for later. Otherwise, Joe Quesada is just going to sell them more Marvel. The man who answers "I dunno" does not get the Glengarry leads.

Vixen's Origin (1985)

A fine character gets a very solid origin. I'm just glad that she's getting used regularly since her "Justice League Unlimited" appearances. Gina Torres was perfectly cast and helped by affection for Mari grow.

Click To Expand

Justice League of America #247 (2/86)

Martian Manhunter: Took his charges to their new headquarters, being the abandoned mountain headquarters of the original Justice League of America, and formerly the Injustice Gang (as Zatanna noted for a Martian who skipped the 70’s.) “For one of them, this is a graveyard of silent ghosts and buried memories.” The place was mighty dusty from disuse, but the usually reliable J’Onn J’Onzz had to assume his new duties as John Jones, P.I. instead.

Zatanna: Lit the original Justice League of America headquarters with her magic, then bailed on clean-up to investigate her roommate’s disappearance. Found that mound of dust that used to be her. Time to “muucav,” or does she have another excuse up her considerable sleeve?

Steel: Flipped a rrreally big lightswitch. Bailed on cleaning to wear 80’s too shorts and get propositioned at his gym job by a movie producer. With glasses, and a moustache, who likes gladiator movies, and has his arm across Hank’s shoulder. Go-go Gadget Prostate?

Vibe: Continued to defame Latin Americans by bowing out of cleaning to not find an apartment which he would not pay for with the job he doesn’t have. Almost killed a gym rat for ridiculing Paco’s wardrobe, which of course could have happened to anyone.

Sue Dibney: Westchester?

Elongated Man: The only super-hero shown actually cleaning up. Know your role, Ralph!

Vixen: Plotted to uncover the mystery that is Gypsy. Played with a possum. Animal senses detected a potentially malevolent something that later attacked her with black fire type stuff. Stuck with cleaning crew, but never actually shown cleaning, because DC’s race relations hole was deep enough already.

Gypsy: Really dug the dank old headquarters, which Vibe couldn’t stop belittling, so she called his a “pheasant.” Even Vibe knew she meant “peasant,” so she made him see an illusion of hell before he made her look any worse. Adopted rodents she found nesting in the once abandoned headquarters. Defeated a gelatinous, tentacled baby monster that had also taken up residence by being harsh with it.

Dale Gunn: Written out. Lucky.

Interlude: On the prison planet of Takron-Galtos, home of the galaxy’s most dangerous arch-criminals, a fuschia fiend in a blue hoodie murdered a guard. This dastardly desperado then stole a rifle, with which he gunned down two more alien guardsmen with one blast. He jacked a ship, and used his telepathy, limited as it was by prison-drugs, to learn the pattern of the laser defense to escape. “My followers wait to greet me on Kalanor. I shall not disappoint them.”

The Creators: You know that whole “balance between the mundane and the fantastic” thing? Conway’s mundane just cracked the table and the fantastic is wrapped around the scale’s arm like a playground swing after Saturday night. Luke McDonnell sells it to the best of his ability.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: So many to choose from this issue, but I’m going with "Any breakin’ I do is gonna be on a dance floor.

Justice League of America #246 (1/86)

Steel: Returned from his adventure at the end of time to learn grandpa had evicted him and his teammates from the Bunker. Slapped an armored Dale Gunn around before reaching his still bedridden kin. Commander Steel apologized for his great many wrongs, and explained his tossed the League out to get a fresh start elsewhere. Hugs. Said goodbye to Vibe's sister. Moved to New York. Got a job as a gym instructor.

Dale Gunn: Threw "fight" with Steel, but still stayed behind in Detroit to look after Hank Sr.

Vibe: Goodbye to family. Beat up rival gangs with powers one more time. Moved. Spilled chocolate shake on self as non-comic anti-relief. Jobless and essentially homeless.

Elongated Man & Sue Dibney: Stuck living in Westchester while housesitting for vacationing friends.

Zatanna: Flirted with Dale one last time. Chatted with J'Onn on the flight. Moved back into her sublet earlier, unaware of the ashen fate of her leasee.

Vixen: Explained on the flight to New York how her years of modeling were just a facade before realizing her true purpose through the Tantu Totem. Showed off her lavish apartment, and took in a roommate.

Gypsy: Talked Vixen into letting her move in.

Martian Manhunter: This being a Conway tale, even the heart & soul of the JLA questioned the League's future after leaving the Bunker and relocating to New York. Showed his sense of humor by boarding his team on a commercial flight in full costume. Chatted with Zee...
"I was not aware you gave credence to dreams, Zatanna."
"Mystics live part of their lives in dreams, J'Onn. The dreamworld is a pathway to past and future."
"On Mars we had few mystics. We put our faith in science... a faith that was our undoing, in the end."

Later explained to his charges that jobs were now in order. "When I first came to Earth years ago, I took a job as a police detective in Metropolis. With my Martian powers, I was quite successful. It is a small matter to recreate the credentials I used then..." Perhaps, but the elapsed time made "John Jones" retirement age, so that he was forced to take up with Burt Biloxi's Special Investigations, a low rent operation.

The Creators: The aforementioned Conway shot past character development into full-bore British soap opera tedium. Luke McDonnell sells the "realism" in a way Chuck Patton couldn't possibly. Bill Wray should have continued inking him for the rest of his career.

Most Embarrassing Vibe Quote of the Issue: "Hank... mi hermano... you feelin' all right? Your abuelo, he didn't jump on you?"